Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Just a disclaimer. We are not doctors, we are not medical professionals. We are just two girls who have survived sepsis that are navigating their recovery.
[00:00:07] Speaker B: If there is anything that you are seriously struggling with, we urge you to contact a gp. And if you think that you might have sepsis, you should seek immediate medical care as sepsis is life threatening and time critical.
[00:00:19] Speaker A: We just wanted to pop a little trigger warning in as well that this podcast may contain content that listeners find distressing.
[00:00:26] Speaker B: Please listen with care and always remember to be kind to yourselves where possible.
[00:00:30] Speaker A: Hi guys and welcome back to the Surviving and Thriving podcast.
We are back and this time we are speaking about the emotional symptoms and I guess you could say side effects of post sepsis syndrome. And just diving into that a little bit more obviously. I just kind of want to preface that especially this topic can be quite a sensitive one. So just listen with caution for both of us. There might be things that we don't want to talk about or things that perhaps we've never shared. So as always, this is a super safe space for everyone.
So we are just leading with love and yeah, we're just very excited to speak on this topic.
[00:01:20] Speaker B: Yes. So when we speak about emotional symptoms of post sepsis syndrome, we're talking about things such as guilt, which we've covered. So I think we're just going to go over that one because we spoke about episodes previously.
So we're talking about guilt, depression, insomnia, grief, which you spoke about a little bit as well. PTSD and anxiety and a really lovely one actually being new perspective which I'll talk about the end because I think it will be a nice like wrap up.
[00:01:49] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:01:50] Speaker B: So I'm going to start with grief, which I think we have sort of covered a little bit.
[00:01:54] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:01:55] Speaker B: But yeah, before this, like maybe some physical and mental health issues, but nothing debilitating.
So you. I don't know, I feel like you sort of have to like mourn you that you were and that you're not anymore because obviously life's changed so much.
[00:02:18] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:02:19] Speaker B: And like any grief, it's just a process. There's no end to grief.
And every day is different. Like sometimes I'm really sad, sometimes I can be angry, sometimes I can be happy, sometimes I can feel helpless. And it's just that, like taking each day as it comes for sure.
[00:02:38] Speaker A: And I think that if we speak about grief, a really say nice. Nice isn't the word, but it's a really comforting word to have around the way you feel because sometimes half the frustration for me, like post receiving help and speaking to people was that I just couldn't put my finger on the emotion I was feeling because I didn't think it was that valid to feel grief over basically someone dying. I didn't know that you could kind of use the term grief.
It can be really helpful to put a word on something. I personally, for me, I'm not very good with wishy washy and just using the word and the term grief and the way that made me feel really aligned quite nicely and it definitely made me feel less alone.
[00:03:36] Speaker B: And yeah.
[00:03:37] Speaker A: Bouncing off what you said again is that, you know, we can talk in these episodes about feeling sad, feeling frustrated, feeling angry, but also there are times when you feel happy and excited and grateful and thankful. And I know we said we're not going to go into guilt because we spoke about it, but, you know, it's okay to feel those emotions. Like, you don't owe it to yourself or to anyone else to only feel sad about something that's happened.
[00:04:09] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:04:10] Speaker A: With grief, like, it's okay to feel happy.
[00:04:14] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:04:15] Speaker A: You don't have. There's not this. I feel like sometimes it's this pressure that you feel, like you should constantly be sad because you've been through something really sad. But the more you just allow yourself to feel what you're feeling, which sounds like a stupid term, but just to let your feelings just sit there.
[00:04:33] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:04:34] Speaker A: The better.
[00:04:35] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:04:35] Speaker A: The outcome, really.
Yeah, definitely.
[00:04:40] Speaker B: So hard. Yeah, that's so hard. But you do have to, just like you said, you just got to sit through it and like, you know that that feeling will pass, but there's no point trying to, like, push it away, I think anything and make it worse.
[00:04:52] Speaker A: It's a boomerang. If you try and push a feeling away, especially when it's around a situation as big or as traumatic as this, it. Even if you feel like you've pushed it away in the moment, it's only gonna come back 10 times stronger. So sometimes you just have to be like, okay, I'm having a bad day today. That's fine. Like, I'm still gonna do, like, try and allow yourself to still live life with that feeling. I think sometimes it's spoken about a lot, especially in social media, of like, I want to rot in my bed when I'm feeling sad. But if that's how you want to deal with it, that's absolutely fine. But also sometimes just going about your everyday life with the knowledge that you're having a bad day is also okay as well.
[00:05:40] Speaker B: Yeah. Absolutely. And following on from that, like the anxiety that comes with that as well, especially being young and people making assumptions about your health based on young, fit, active.
[00:05:55] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:05:55] Speaker B: And then maybe feeling like you can't ask for the help that you need because people have already just labeled you as young, fit, healthy. She doesn't need any help, she's fine.
[00:06:05] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:06:05] Speaker B: There's a lot of anxiety around that. And anxiety of like, oh, I am sort of like this new person now and how do I navigate that? And yeah. What do I do when I need help? And are people going to take this seriously? Because you can't see that I'm not doing well. Because a lot of the symptoms are invisible, aren't they, to the outside world.
[00:06:26] Speaker A: Yeah. Hidden disability for sure. And I think also, like in terms of anxiety, it's really important to speak about health anxiety because this is something that I think a lot of people that perhaps are listening to this that haven't had sepsis can relate to is that there's always this underlying worry that if you get a cold the first time you get a cold after having sepsis the first time, like it's really worrying and you have any life in recovery along with the fact that you're basically frightened that everything might happen again, which is a big thing to live with.
[00:07:07] Speaker B: 100.
[00:07:07] Speaker A: It's like, it's like if someone has a car crash, you don't just expect someone to have a car crash and then get straight back in the driver's seat and be like, yeah, but like the likelihood of you having a car crash again, it's not that high. You're like, well, thanks mate, but I'd rather not put myself in that situation.
[00:07:22] Speaker B: Exactly. No, I get that. And unless you've been through something like that, people just won't get. People won't be able to understand or relate to that feeling.
[00:07:31] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:07:33] Speaker B: Depression is a very scary symptom.
[00:07:37] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:07:38] Speaker B: Because depression can make you feel so awful and helpless and you can really struggle to stay positive. And I also feel like in off the back of this after like a near death experience, I think people think that you should have this new lease of life euphoria.
[00:07:55] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:07:55] Speaker B: And if you don't have that, which I don't at the moment, and I wish I did, but I don't at the moment, then like, what's wrong with you then? Because why don't you have that? But it's. I think it's hard to keep moving forward when you've had so many obstacles. And this, like every day is Different.
[00:08:16] Speaker A: Yeah. I think if you're listening to this as a family member or someone who is supporting someone that's had sepsis, it's just really important.
Well, from a personal point of view, that you understand that the way that your loved one is acting has absolutely no correlation to how they feel about you or love they have for you. Because I know that I was a horrible person to be around for the first year, year and a half, even probably recently to be around when I'm feeling like that, because the only safe space you have is the people you love. So they end up taking out the way you're feeling on those people that you love, which can so easily be miscommunicated as a.
As a personal attack. And I know it's so hard to give grace to people that, let's be honest, are being nasty. Like, that's the way that I felt I was when I was in that headspace. But it's just so important that you, you know, fight. Like, you're not fighting fire with fire. You're just, like, being there for that person, not smothering them. It's so hard. But you just have to let them be. Of course, if they want help, and if they don't want help, you just have to.
You have to be there for them.
[00:09:43] Speaker B: Yeah. Which is hard because, like, there's no. There's no manual for helping someone recover. But just being there.
[00:09:50] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:09:51] Speaker B: All I would say is the biggest thing. Yeah, we've spoke about this a lot as well. Maybe we'll do, like, a whole episode on this. But ptsd, we've spoke about that in. In the last couple of.
[00:10:02] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:03] Speaker B: Episodes. But I think maybe we should go into an episode on that. And I think about it. But there's so much to unpack with ptsd.
[00:10:13] Speaker A: It's a really difficult topic, I think, to speak on because, you know, there's such a variety of things with ptsd, and I think that sometimes with ptsd, it could feel like you're not ticking a box. So therefore you're. It's not valid the way you're feeling. But ptsd, the same with anything. Anything we talk about on this podcast, everything is so individual. What we say is not what goes. Like, our experiences are not what defines a situation.
But I think you're right going, perhaps we should log that for another time.
[00:10:53] Speaker B: And, yeah, because it's such a big.
[00:10:55] Speaker A: One to unpack, and sometimes the people, like, we'll just dive into it a little bit now because, like, we have the other things that sometimes the Person that is suffering with PTSD doesn't know that they're suffering with ptsd. It doesn't always come out in a, you know, Oscar award winning movie flashback. Like, it doesn't always happen like that.
If you're noticing that in someone, perhaps they're not noticing it themselves. So it's a really hard thing to navigate, 100%.
[00:11:29] Speaker B: But yeah, I think although we've gone into PTSD quite a few times, I do feel like I could keep talking about it. Oh, honestly, it's like the flashbacks and everything. And it's not just the illness, it's then your time in hospital. So I think we'll do like a whole episode on that. I think people would like to hear that. Yeah.
And then guilt was on there. But obviously, like, we've spoken a little bit about guilt and everything, haven't we, in like the few episodes.
And then I really love this and I think that this is like a light at the end of the tunnel. For anyone listening.
[00:12:02] Speaker A: Can we rewind? Did we speak about sleep?
[00:12:05] Speaker B: Oh, sorry, Insomnia.
[00:12:07] Speaker A: Only because I really want to speak about this one. Because, yes, it was probably the biggest thing for me and honestly still is.
That can make or break my day. I think that you're trying to. I don't know why I keep using cars as a flipping thing, but if you're trying to drive a car that has no fuel in the tank, it's not gonna run properly and especially your job, it's. Tell me honestly, tell me about it. But it's. So I think insomnia is such a tricky one. Or like, even if you don't want to define, it's insomnia. Any sleep difficulty, Horrible, really hard because you want to sleep so badly and you're so exhausted, but you can't sleep. So then on top of the fact that you are sleep deprived, which unhealthy for anyone, you're then frustrated that you can't sleep and you just wind yourself up in this circle. And I remember before I had spoken to someone about it, I was, I swear on my life, probably about. For the first three months after coming out of hospital, I don't think I had more than like three hours sleep a night.
[00:13:19] Speaker B: Yeah, I agree with you on that. The falling asleep was the worst part for me. I was shattered and I was laying there and I just, I. It got really bad for me, actually. I'd be like 2, 3am wide awake and your partner's asleep or your, your parents are asleep. So you've got nobody and so hard because you're alone, everything's shut. It's not even like you can get up and go out. Not that you would because it's not safe. But there's nothing.
[00:13:42] Speaker A: Yeah, there's nothing. People who don't sleep and I think, you know, it just puts you in.
[00:13:48] Speaker B: Such an awful mood, doesn't it?
[00:13:49] Speaker A: Yeah. And that, that time when no one else is awake, you're awake. That is when those thoughts fester so much.
[00:13:59] Speaker B: So bad. It's really horrible.
[00:14:01] Speaker A: I honestly used to dread going to sleep.
[00:14:04] Speaker B: So did I. I used to be.
[00:14:05] Speaker A: Like, oh my God, it's 8 o'clock at night. It's coming, it's coming.
[00:14:09] Speaker B: So did I. Like this doom. Yeah, I know.
[00:14:13] Speaker A: And I really remember just one specific memory was downstairs I fell asleep on the sofa at like in the evening because I think it's just like a different. I wasn't in bed and my mum woke me up and she was like, it's time to go to bed. And I remember like, why did you wake me up? Like just let me sleep down here. I was asleep.
[00:14:35] Speaker B: Sleep.
[00:14:37] Speaker A: No, not for a while. I came up here. But you know, I think that also insomnia is one of those things that people don't see also. So like trying to live your, like live your life and live your day on two hours sleep and no one else understands. So if you're.
[00:14:57] Speaker B: I think people just go, oh, you can't sleep?
[00:14:59] Speaker A: Well, yeah.
[00:15:00] Speaker B: I'm like, they don't. No one can relate to that because they're not, they're like not living it. So they're oh, that's a shame. And no one, it's not like, oh, it's just people just don't really care because.
[00:15:10] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:15:11] Speaker B: Like oh, and I think need someone to validate this. Like I can't sleep.
[00:15:17] Speaker A: Yeah. I think all of the emotional symptoms of PSS are also massively like heightened when you are experiencing no sleep. The same like.
[00:15:29] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:15:30] Speaker A: Everything feels like the end of the world when you've got no sleep because like you are running on empty.
[00:15:36] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:15:37] Speaker A: And it's so hard also that you're like trying to recover and your body needs like. It's just so ironic that the one thing your body needs is to sleep but you can't sleep. And it's just the most frustrating thing ever.
[00:15:48] Speaker B: Yeah, the no sleep was awful in the first couple. It's like, it's still not great now I'll be so tired I'll lay down and can't sleep. But the like in the first couple of months, trying to get to sleep, it was so awful.
[00:16:01] Speaker A: I honestly, like, I just remember the dread, the dread, the dread of going to sleep.
[00:16:07] Speaker B: Sleep is so bad. Yeah. That's something I hope I never feel again because it is really awful. Like that whole feeling of like, oh my God, I've got to go to bed and I'm not gonna be able to sleep, but everyone else is asleep.
[00:16:16] Speaker A: Yeah. And I remember my family saying, like, right, let's go, let's go to the doctors and let's like get you some sleep medication. And I was so against any medication, any medication for sleeping because I was like, I just don't want to get. And if it works, it works for you. Like, if you want to do that, it's completely bad for me. I was like, if I get into this cycle, like, I'm never going to break it.
[00:16:38] Speaker B: No, exactly. I'll get that.
[00:16:39] Speaker A: So, you know, I went to the Holland and Barrett and got myself some melatonin. I was trying to do everything natural as much as I could. But again, like, sometimes I just think that these things just have to. You just have to run away.
[00:16:52] Speaker B: Yeah. You do. Which is horrible because that's a horrible ride to wave out.
[00:16:56] Speaker A: But yeah, it will. And again, like, I know we say this to a lot. It will pass. Like, even like I still like have sleepless nights now. But it's, it's so much like it feels so much less impactful now than it did 100% at that time. So just like, if you're going through it right now, like, it's tough, it's awful, but it's going to pass 100%.
[00:17:20] Speaker B: Yeah.
And then off the back of that new perspective, not every symptom is negative. Yeah. A near death experience can give you new perspective on life. And there's nothing quite like realizing your own mortality like that. It makes you care less about meaningless things.
[00:17:44] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:17:47] Speaker B: And it gives you more patience with yourself. And I do think that it helps you enjoy the little things in life more.
It's weird. It's like you can just be more vulnerable and you're more empathetic and you, you feel like being a human more. I don't know if that makes sense.
[00:18:04] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think it definitely episode or.
[00:18:06] Speaker B: New perspective because I think, like, it would be nice to talk about something positive.
[00:18:10] Speaker A: Yeah. For sure.
[00:18:11] Speaker B: Yeah. And you can, like, it's exciting to think I'm not that person now, but I'm a new person and. Yeah, that's exciting.
[00:18:20] Speaker A: And it definitely gives you Like, I definitely felt obviously, when I was. I was 21 at the time of coming out of hospital. And it definitely gives you, like, this new sense of maturity. Like, and also just, like, new perspective. Also just, like, knowing yourself, like, especially early 20s, you can be in an identity crisis and be like, I don't know who I am. Like, and I think going through something like this just makes you sure that, like, makes you really sure of yourself and the person that you are, which is a really not, like, such a nice feeling.
[00:18:54] Speaker B: Yeah, we'll go into that more because I do feel like that's a positive subject to talk about, and I would like to talk about that, like, in a. In a. Give it its own space to really, like, go into that. Yeah, I think it's such a nice. Like, a lot of that is the only positive.
Yeah, probably.
[00:19:14] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:15] Speaker B: Yeah, I think it is.
[00:19:17] Speaker A: And I guess, like, when we're talking new perspective as well, like, it doesn't have to be, like we said earlier, this, like, free. Yeah. A full life epiphany. And that you're like, right, I've been doing my life completely wrong, and now I'm gonna go and change my career and change where I live and, like, to Australia.
It doesn't have to be that. But what I think is really nice about it is that, like, Olivia said, like, everything feels so much when you're going through sepsis recovery, that sometimes this new perspective in enjoying smaller things.
[00:19:54] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:19:55] Speaker A: Is so refreshing. And you're just like, I might feel like I'm going through a really bad time right now, but, like, at least I'm going through it. Like, I might not. I could have not been here. Like, there's. And I think sometimes when you're struggling with your mental health, like, in any situation, it's really easy to, like, sounds bad, but, like, become the victim. But it's really important that we also allow ourselves to see this new perspective and lean into it and, like, again, like, it all links together. You're feeling depressed, anxious, ptsd. You then feel guilt, which then tries to block out this new perspective that you have. And you have to let everything just, like, be their own thing. Like, you're allowed to feel this new perspective. You don't have to feel guilty for feeling this new perspective. And if you are, that's also allowed to be a parallel to feeling anxious and depressed.
[00:20:56] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. I agree with everything you've said there.
[00:20:59] Speaker A: Why, thank you.
Well, thank you very much. I try my hardest, but I guess in terms of the emotional side of things, it can be the most difficult to reach out for help for because it can feel very vulnerable. It can feel like you are weak. It can feel like you're lonely. And I just want to. You know, we've, like, me and Olivia here. We're on, like, both sides. I've had professional help, and Olivia hasn't as of yet. And, you know, we're, like, both are, like, valid, and, you know, we're exactly in the right place and where we should be.
But it will be, like, interesting that if Liv decides to go to therapy or counseling or whatever it is to then, like, when she feels ready to share how she found that, especially after the way you're feeling right now of, like, it would be nice for our audience to hear that. Like, do you know, even if you came back and was like, not for me, that's okay as well.
[00:22:11] Speaker B: Yeah, of course. It's just the courage to go. But, like, yeah.
[00:22:18] Speaker A: Accessibility wise, like, let's not forget that it is such a luxury to be able to afford this.
Don't feel guilty if the reason that you're not kind of accessing this is because of a financial situation. And, you know, there are free resources available. But, like, without being like, I think you should do it no matter what from someone that's accessed it and it has helped them a lot. I do think that there is a place for it, and it is so helpful.
[00:22:57] Speaker B: Yeah. A million percent. You're right.
[00:23:00] Speaker A: And, you know, it happens when it's meant to happen. Like, these things can't be rushed or pushed.
[00:23:07] Speaker B: And it will happen. You'll. You'll reach a point where you. You know yourself that, like, okay, this is getting ridiculous now.
[00:23:14] Speaker A: Yeah, for sure.
[00:23:15] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:23:17] Speaker A: But we have one more episode of our mini PSS debunking series. Yeah. Left. And we're gonna speak about the physical symptoms, which I know for both me and Liv is like, maybe a little.
[00:23:36] Speaker B: Bit of a longer one.
[00:23:37] Speaker A: Maybe a bit of a longer one. And in that, we're gonna speak about how movement can also, like, be a positive impact on a recovery, because I think a lot of times we speak about how frustrating it is to have these physical symptoms, but also then how we use. Because both of us use movement and exercise as a therapy for what we've been through, and I think it'll be really nice to kind of share that with other people, and they might be able to implement those kind of things into their recovery and into their lives.
[00:24:13] Speaker B: 100%. Yeah, I'm looking forward to that one.
[00:24:16] Speaker A: Me too. For sure.
[00:24:18] Speaker B: But thank you for.
[00:24:20] Speaker A: Thank you guys for listening. We are back and better than ever now. We are holding ourselves accountable in 2025 and we are just very excited for what this year has to bring.
[00:24:33] Speaker B: Yes, we are.
[00:24:34] Speaker A: Okay. We love you. We will speak to you very soon and have a lovely week. Goodbye.
