Story Time - Taz's Sepsis Experience!

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Just a disclaimer. We are not doctors. We are not medical professionals. We are just two girls who have survived sepsis that are navigating their recovery. [00:00:07] Speaker B: If there is anything that you are seriously struggling with, we urge you to contact a GP. And if you think that you might have sepsis, you should seek immediate medical care, as sepsis is life threatening and time critical. [00:00:19] Speaker A: We just wanted to pop a little trigger warning in as well, that this podcast may contain content that listeners find distressing. [00:00:26] Speaker B: Please listen with care and always remember to be kind to yourselves where possible. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to episode two of the surviving and thriving podcast. We are your host, Olivia and Taz, and today we have a very special episode for you. We are going to be talking to our lovely Taz about her sepsis story. In October 2022, professional dancer Taz became unwell. She had invasive Strep A, which led to sepsis, and then spent the next few weeks fighting for her life in intensive care. Hi, Taz. How are you? [00:00:56] Speaker A: Hello. I'm good, thank you. How are you? [00:00:59] Speaker B: I'm really good. I'm so happy that we're here and we can talk about your story. [00:01:03] Speaker A: I'm really excited. It feels good to be back. After filming the last episode, the amount of love we got and how much fun it was, I'm excited for this one. [00:01:11] Speaker B: It's been amazing, hasn't it? [00:01:13] Speaker A: Yeah. Literally, like, the amount of support we've had has just been, like, absolutely overwhelming. Overwhelming. Because not even, like, obviously, it's not just the number of people that counts, it's the amount of people that I've, like, had that I know that have messaged and been like, oh, my goodness. Love the podcast that have, like, nothing to do. Like, it's just so nice. And if you're listening to this, I love you guys. [00:01:40] Speaker B: Nothing to do with sepsis, but they listen. [00:01:42] Speaker A: Just hear us. So, nice recovery. [00:01:44] Speaker B: Lovely, right? [00:01:45] Speaker A: Yeah. So good. [00:01:46] Speaker B: We are going to be talking about your story today. Share as little or as much as you would like. This is your story. This is a space for you to share your story. And, yeah, if it's too much, any time, let me know and we can stop. But I would just like you to start by maybe just giving us a little bit of a background of you. Who is Taz, and what should we know about you before we then start divulging into what happened and what went wrong with your story. [00:02:14] Speaker A: Okay, perfect. So starting. Let's start from the beginning. Basically, my whole life I've wanted to be a dancer, performer, ever since I can literally remember, I've been dancing. My mum put me into my first baby ballet class at three years old and ever since then, I've literally not stopped dancing. One of those things that dancing to me like, so cringe. But it's not just dancing. I think it's the same with anyone when they have a real passion. Dancing is just like a release for me. I can be having a bad day and I go and dance and it literally everything's better. And I think that's why when I get into my story in a bit in terms of recovery, that's why perhaps I found recovery a bit more tricky because my. My way of coping with things was kind of stripped from me. But obviously we'll get into that in a bit. But overall, as a person, so hard to describe yourself, isn't it? But like, as you can tell probably from this podcast, I'm an absolute yapper. I love to be, I don't know the center of attention is right, but in my family, I've always been the one that would be putting on little performances whilst we had our family dinners. Super outgoing, would say hi to anyone in a supermarket. Like, honestly, when I was younger, my mum will go to get something in the supermarket and I'd be like, stood talking to a family, just, she'd be like, I've lost you for 5 seconds and now you're talking to someone. [00:03:47] Speaker B: Social butterfly. [00:03:49] Speaker A: That might be me. [00:03:51] Speaker B: Social butterfly. I would describe you as a social butterfly. Enthusiastic, bubbly, warm. [00:03:59] Speaker A: Stop, you're making me blush. [00:04:03] Speaker B: I think it's really. It's horrible when you ask someone to describe themselves. Not really sure, but like, you have all of these qualities. Let's put it out there you are, bubbly and warm and fun and enthusiastic. So, yeah, that's. Yeah, I know you obviously better than people listening will, but I want people to know, get the full picture. [00:04:20] Speaker A: Thanks, babes. I guess. Should we get into it? [00:04:24] Speaker B: Yeah. So in October of 2022, would you like to. Let's start right from the beginning. The minute you started feeling, not you, unwell and for it. [00:04:36] Speaker A: So I remember, so previous to October 2022, that year for me was probably before this current year, that was like probably the best year of my life in terms of like career aspirations. You know, I was 21. So you kind of come into yourself more as a human. You feel more confident in certain aspects. I just felt like everything was really coming together for me, especially after the pandemic. We kind of just come out of the pandemic fully the first time, really, that we'd all kind of got our lives back to normal and I was able to start auditioning for shows that I wanted to do again. I was being able to do what I loved, basically. So I was feeling on top of the world the first day that I. I say, I always say this when I tell my story. The first day that I noticed that I started to feel unwell, wasn't even like, I was feeling really poorly. But in hindsight, looking back now, the first day, I always remember it was a Friday and so stupid. I was filming on my private Snapchat story. How old am I? Twelve. I know, but I was filming on my private Snapchat story and I was just like, messing about with my dog, I think. And I caught myself, like, mid conversation being like, oh, my God, I'm really out of breath. Like, so off the cuff. Didn't think anything of it as you don't. Just like, I felt like I'd just gone for a bit of a run and I was like, oh, my God, I'm just speaking. I know I like to waffle, but come on, you can catch a breath. That was the first, like, moment, which is so funny that I caught it on camera, that I remembered being like, oh, just feel a bit under the weather. Not even, like, bad. Just, I noticed something was a bit different. I just felt like run down. Run down. That's probably the word to use. So that was the Friday, the Saturday and the Sunday I had a gig. So for non dancers out there, I had basically a performance, a job over the weekend in this big, huge castle where we were doing a corporate event for basically this egyptian event. So weird to say when people don't know what performers like, performers life is like. But I was doing this big event anyway. I was dancing throughout the day outside this exhibition in very, like, I say, minimal clothing, but like, I was in a costume. So I wasn't in a hood, like a hoodie and a coat. It's in October, so. And I remember, yeah, I remember getting there and texting my mum and I was like, I just don't feel very well. Like just that one where you're like, I just want to lay in bed all day again. Nothing too crazy. But I was like, I just. I just don't feel well. I don't particularly fancy getting my skin out and dancing for a bunch of people today. So anyway, I did this weekend gig and throughout the weekend, I remember I was like, we dance outside and I'd be like, shivering and I was like, what is wrong with me? I've just danced like I should be hot. And then we kind of went for lunch and I, like, didn't really touch my lunch. Kept feeling like, I say, nauseous, but you know when you just feel like your stomach is just, like, churning? And I was like, oh, flu. Brilliant. It's the flu. It's October. It's that time of year. It's happened to me. I'm getting the flu. And I was like, it's fine. I can rest on Monday. I'll just do this job. So Saturday, Sunday, I was at this gig, and then my agent emailed me and said, taz, we've got this really last minute audition for your dream West End show. And I was like, bloody typical timing. It always has to happen when you're not feeling great. But as it was my dream show, I was like, right, come on, babes, get up. We're gonna go do it. If you. If you're awful and you get cut, first round, doesn't matter. You've been. And you said you've been in the room. So the whole thing through my story, I think, is that you'll learn. Is that all of you listening? You'll probably be, like, screaming at your phones because you'll be like, why did you not just stop? But it's just my personality type to keep going and push myself to the maximum. I think as a dancer, that's just the mentality that's been ingrained in me for my whole life, which sometimes, obviously, is an absolutely incredible characteristic to have because it makes me better. But in this case, obviously, it was kind of detrimental. I went to this audition and I remember my best friend Yaz. Shout out, Yaz. Because I know she listens to the podcast. She was in the audition with me. And I remember being to her, I was like, I don't feel like I can dance, but I'm gonna have to go in and just do it. So I went in and I felt, you know, when you've got a bit of an. It's so weird. Cause I'm, like, spewing out all these things that it felt like. But, you know, like, if you've got an ear infection and you feel, like, wobbly, I just felt like that. Like, I just wasn't myself. Like, if I turn my head quick, I'd be like, poor. So I did the audition anyway and I was like, I am getting cut. Big fat cut. Like, there's no way. And they were like, oh, do you think you could stay to sing? And I was like, oh, my God. I didn't prepare for this. Yeah, I can sing. Of course I can. It's my dream show. I'll sing. So the next round comes, and I went in. I remember I was practicing my song, but I couldn't have hold notes because I couldn't. Like, my breath was so short. I remember going in and I was like, as a joke, I was like, think I've got a chest infection, guys, because I can't even hold the note. But I'm gonna give it a go for you. And I know that I must have been feeling, like, unwell because I'd never have been that confident and said that to an audition panel if I hadn't been. And they were like, just go for it. So I sang and I was like, again, there's no way. There's no way I'm getting kept after that. [00:10:23] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:10:23] Speaker A: They said, do you think you can stay for the afternoon dance call? And part of me was like, yes, mate, I've made it. And part of me was like, I can't do this. I can't make it through another round. [00:10:34] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:10:35] Speaker A: So I did it. Did the next round, went home, still feeling unwell, but not awful. Just like I've got the flu. Like, cold sweats, that kind of vibe, the flu. And I got home and I went to my mum. I think I've pulled my hip flexor. And for non dancers out there, for anyone that's not sure, your hip flexor, basically, if you stand up and you lift your leg, that's when a hip flexor strain, that's when you'd feel it. Not necessarily when you stand on the leg. So that's why I wasn't that bothered. I was like, oh, I've done something excessive in this audition and I've pulled my hip flexor and I don't feel well, so I'm going to bed. My mum was like, cool, fine. Nothing out of the ordinary. Went to bed, woke up the next morning and I remember, like, I had to do, like, a double take when I woke up. And I was like, I'm in so much pain here. So the pain had got so much worse in my hip to the point where I had to, like, lift my leg out of bed and it also spread to my collarbone. So it's called a sternovacular joint if you want to be all magical about it, but basically. Basically your collarbone on my left side, so left shoulder, right hip. And I was like, ouch. Doing anything hurt. Lifting my arm hurt. So I was meant to be teaching. Say it again. [00:11:56] Speaker B: Did you get all night's sleep? [00:11:59] Speaker A: I don't remember. Not. But obviously I was tossing and turning, so I don't know. I don't remember it being, like, memorably a bad night's sleep. I think probably because I felt so unwell that I was, like, just knocked out, basically. [00:12:13] Speaker B: Yeah, I was just about to say that. [00:12:15] Speaker A: Yeah. So then I went to ring up where I worked and I was like, I don't think I can come in today. And when, like, obviously it's not an easy class to cover. Like, dance is not as easy as just getting any teacher into cover because I was teaching in a school at this point, and so they asked if I could try and come in, and I was like, yeah, okay, fine, it's fine. I'm gonna try and go in. Obviously, like, they didn't know. They didn't know me very well, so didn't know that me asking, saying I was ill was actually, like, I felt ill and not just trying to get a day off. So I went in and I remember, like, I couldn't even dance. I had to sit and teach. I had to do it, like, with my words because I couldn't dance. And the kids were like, are you okay? And I was like, oh, yeah, I'm fine. You know me, I'm just really tired. So went home that night and again, literally got in, went straight to bed. [00:13:17] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:13:20] Speaker A: Like, that day was basically just like a blur, basically. So I went home, went to bed, and then the. This night. So now we're on the. No, we're not. We're on the Tuesday night. Woke up scream. Like, woke up screaming in pain, which I've never experienced in my life before, like, waking out of your sleep to be screaming in pain. I had to ring my mum, so I was in my room and my parents room, I still live at home, is just across the hallway. And I had to ring my mum because I couldn't even get out of bed to be like, help, I'm in pain. So she came into my room and I was like, inconsolable crying. I was like, I'm in so much pain, I don't feel well. I don't know what to do. So that's when we first rang 111. We rang 111. It took, obviously, hours to get through as it does, just because there's so much pressure on the service. And I got through to a GP, so I spoken to the caller. They'd put me through to a GP, an out of hours GPD, and he had said from what we'd given him, he had said probably pulled a muscle and it might be Covid, which was kind of. And we were like, oh, okay, fine. Yeah. [00:14:37] Speaker B: Around that time, especially, yeah, it was. [00:14:39] Speaker A: The COVID cases were going up again. And I was like, oh, maybe Covid. So my mum did a lateral flow on me. It wasn't Covid, but we were like, fine. I probably got the flu. And he's told me, medical professionals told me I'm okay. So we go with it. We go with the flow. He's given me codeine and naproxen, anti inflammatory. See how you go? I was like, perfect. I was in bed. So then all day for the next two days, I was taking the painkillers and obviously was feeling a little bit less pain. I still felt unwell, but because the pain felt better, I was like, okay, we might get through this. Like, it might. It might get better. And then I got a recall for the show again. So for non dancers, that's meaning that you have to go back in and do another round in London for the Friday. So we're now one week since I had that, like, initial out of breath feeling. And I was like, I have to go, like, this far through this show. I was like, I have to go. I can't go. And I remember, this is so funny. I remember I had to crawl out of my room and bum shuffle down the stairs, and my mum drove me to this. And at this point, obviously, my mum was like, I don't think you should go. And I was like, mom, if you don't take me, I will hate you for the rest of my life. [00:16:03] Speaker B: We're all screaming at this. [00:16:05] Speaker A: I know. We're like, taz, give yourself a break, hun. And I'm like, in hindsight, I know. What the hell was I thinking? [00:16:12] Speaker B: Such, like an athlete. Former mindset, though. [00:16:16] Speaker A: Like, I'm going. I know. So anyway, I get the train into London, I get on the tube, and I wish someone would have. Someone probably did record me thinking I was, like, on something, because I kind of obviously was on strong painkillers. I was dragging my leg through the tube station. Like, I couldn't even lift it up, so I was, like, dragging it along the floor. I got to the audition room, which for performers listening, the umbrella rooms in Central. I got there. Hadn't been there before. Rang the buzzer, door opened. Tell me the dread I felt when I saw five flights of stairs in front of me. I was like, I can't do this. And as I got in, someone from the team was like, oh, hi, Taz. Nice to see you. And I was like, hi. And they were like, are you gonna go? Are you heading up? I was like, yeah. And I was trying to let them go past me because I was like, I don't want them to see what I'm about to have to do to get these stairs. So I remember I had one hand on the banister, one hand underneath my thigh, lifting my leg up the stairs. I knew a couple of my, a couple of people in this recall, and I remember my friend Claude's who, if she's listening to this, we speak about it so much now, but she was like, babe, you do not look okay. And I was like, oh, I actually must be looking bad if someone's like, you know when people. You don't usually say that to someone. Yeah. [00:17:47] Speaker B: And you thought you felt bad, but you didn't think you looked bad. [00:17:50] Speaker A: Yeah, I thought I was like. I thought I was. Yeah. Slaying. Slaying the day. Yeah, I was not slaying. I was really not. So anyway, we go into this call, and it's a singing call, luckily. So I didn't have to dance, I just had to sing. And I remember getting in there and the musical director, the MD, was like, oh, again, you don't look great. And I was like, fml. I must look really bad because two people have just told me that I look really bad. And I was like, yeah. Straight away I was like, no, I'm fine. I'm fine. I thought, I actually. I think I'm getting over it. I think I'm okay. And they were like, okay. And we all stood up to sing, and then I had to sit down immediately because I was so lightheaded. So I did this whole call, sat down. We then finished the call. It was about an hour, and then I went out of the room. And I remember I sat in reception for an hour and a half. I sat in reception for an hour and a half after everyone had left because I was so scared to get up and walk. And I was like, I don't know how I'm gonna make it home. So anyway, I called a taxi because I was like, I'm not getting on the tube again. So I sat in this taxi. And I remember, like, it's weird because I blocked this out for so long, but I remember now, I was on the phone to my mum in the car and I was so upset. I was like, I'm in so much pain and I don't know how I'm gonna get home. And obviously, as a parent, that's the last thing you want to hear, like your unwell child saying that they're stressed and they're unwell. So anyway, I get to the station, and I remember my phone was gonna die. So I went to wh Smith to try and find a charger, and I just had to sit down on the floor in the middle. So embarrassing. Now I had to sit down in the middle of Wh Smith's because I couldn't even stand up. I. Then after I got that, I went and walked towards the ticket gate. And I remember getting through, and because I was limping so badly, one of the workers at the train station came up to me and was like, do you need, like, assistance? You know, like the buggies you get in airports, like, you know, those weird car things that you sit on. I was like, I don't want it, but I don't know if I'm going to be able to make it to the platform. And they were like, it's fine. So I got in one of those. Looking like 21 years old in one of these things. Can barely walk anyway. Yeah. But they put a chaperone on the train with me. So there was someone from the rail line that sat with me on the train to go home because obviously they didn't know if I'd be able to get off on the other side. So once I got off the train, my mum was on the other side, and she took me straight home. And I remember she was like, do you want any dinner? I was like, no, don't want to eat anything. I just want to go to bed. I'm in so much pain. I really don't feel well. And at this point, from speaking to my mum, she was like, I wish I would have called someone at that point, but you just don't know. And because I've got quite a high pain threshold. And she said I was playing off kind of as if I was okay. [00:20:56] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:20:57] Speaker A: Seem as bad as it was. So, anyway, I went to bed that night, and that's kind of the last thing I remember. So everything else I'm going to tell you now is from what I've been told, rather than what I remember, so I went to bed. [00:21:10] Speaker B: Yeah, for our listeners. So this is now Friday night. [00:21:14] Speaker A: Yes, we're on Friday night. This is a week after. Yeah. [00:21:17] Speaker B: Okay, so we're heading into Saturday, early hours of Saturday morning. Right? [00:21:20] Speaker A: Yeah. So I head. I go to sleep. Yeah. 08:00 p.m. so this is early for me I sleep all the way through till twelve noon the next day. So that's, for me, is like, what, how many hours is that? 8910. 1112. Yeah, 16 hours of sleep. [00:21:40] Speaker B: 16 hours of sleep, yeah. [00:21:42] Speaker A: Which. Yeah, which is obviously a lot. My mum and dad came in at lunchtime to wake me up and she said the whole morning she. She always asked me to reiterate this, and especially she said that I had to say this to all the listeners because I forget to say it all the time. She said she could hurt my brother's rooms next to me. So my brother and my mum could hear me audibly breathing. And it was kind of like a pain. I was kind of like groaning in pain, but also like, trying to breathe. They said it was a really weird kind of sound, but apparently it's important that I told everyone that, just in case anyone else obviously experiences it. So she came in and they were trying to, like, speak to me and figure out how I was feeling. And my dad said, taz, how are you feeling? Like, where does it hurt? And I just went on the bus. So I was. At this point, I was completely out of it, like, not even answering. Yeah, not answering questions. And apparently I'd, like, wake up and then, like, my eyes would roll into the back of my head and I'd fall back asleep, like, mid sentence. So I was really in and out of it. They were trying to get me to drink water, they were trying to get me to go to the toilet, but obviously I didn't want to get out of bed because it hurt. But without knowing, at that point, I also couldn't go to the toilet, which we know is one of the symptoms of sepsis. So in hindsight, again, we would have known. I wouldn't have known, but it would have been an indicator. So at that point, my mum and dad were like, right, something's not. Something's really not right. We're gonna ring 111 again. And so they rang 111, and the call handler, without a doubt, saved my life. She said to my dad, I don't want to scare you, but I think your daughter has sepsis. I'm gonna bring an ambulance right now. And when they get there, I want you to keep saying the word sepsis to them. Don't stop saying it, just keep reminding them. So my dad was like, okay, fine. So the ambulance took about 2 hours to come, I think, so quite quick, to be honest, considering they didn't know. Yeah. [00:23:53] Speaker B: If they weren't certain that you had sepsis, that's quite quick. [00:23:57] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:23:57] Speaker B: Which shout out to your call handler. [00:24:00] Speaker A: Yeah. I always say this, I wish I could find out her name because I obviously owe her my life, which is crazy to think, and she probably doesn't even know that. Yeah. Or think it's just like another day in the job, which obviously super grateful for that. [00:24:15] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:24:15] Speaker A: The ambulance arrives and so there's three of them in all it, trying to fit in my room and see what was up with me. They wanted me to go to the toilet because they wanted to see if it was a UTI to test for that because it would kind of make sense to the symptoms I'd been feeling in my, like, delusion, basically. It could have answered. So I got up and I tried to go to the toilet, but I couldn't. And I was shouting and saying, I can't go to the toilet, I can't do it, I can't go. And I. My mum said that I turned into a different human being. Like, I was being nasty, I was being like, get off me. Like, not in my personality at all. And she was going to the ambulance workers. She isn't usually like this, I promise. She's not usually like this. [00:25:10] Speaker B: She's usually so out of character. [00:25:12] Speaker A: Yes. So out of character for me. So they said, we still don't really know what's wrong with her. Let's take her in an ambulance to the junior. Let's just see what's going on. So the junior is my local hospital in Oxford, which is an amazing hospital also. So they took me out, they brought the stretcher in, I bum shuffled down the stairs, which took me about half an hour because I couldn't do it. They put me onto the stretcher and then they said to my mum, can you stay inside? We're just going to get her into the ambulance and get her vitals and. And then you can come on in. And my mum was like, weird, but fine. And they got me out and then apparently when I got in the ambulance, I was a bit more, like, lucid. I was, like, trying to joke with one of the paramedics, the guys. I was saying to him, have you been a paramedic your whole life? Because you don't look like you have. And he was like, how do you know that? And I was like, you just don't look like you have. And he was like, well, you'd be correct. I haven't been a paramedic. So things like, I was being myself a bit more. So he was like, maybe her temperature was just so high that she was a little bit out of it. So they obviously put a cannula in and would do it. I don't know what they do in an ambulance. They were doing all the stuff they needed to do. Anyway, they got me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they got me to. It takes about 20 minutes in an ambulance. Wasn't on, sirens wasn't on, like, just went in the ambulance to the junior, arrived there and then went into the queue of beds in a and e. The dreaded queue, like, how, like, overworked a and e is, especially in Oxford. Like, everyone in, like, Oxfordshire gets sent to the junior, so it's so busy all the time. So I was in this queue and I kind of vividly remember being, like, pushed against the wall and people were coming and checking my blood pressure and all of this. Anyway, next thing I remember, I was being taken to recess, and that's because they tested. They were testing my oxygen and it was so low that they were, like, just gonna keep an eye on this because, yeah, weird that it's so low. Nothing like crazy. But obviously they taken me into recess. Like, I was going into recess, so there's obviously a reason they were taking me there. Spent all night in rhesus. They couldn't really figure out what was wrong with me. My oxygen kept kind of spiking. I had an oxygen mask on. They were trying to figure out things, asking my mum questions, because they'd be asking me questions, but obviously I wasn't answering them. My mum would be trying to answer, and then she was. She always says to me now that it was like they were going, obviously, I'm not asking you that question, but my mom. My mom was like, well, she can't answer them, so, like, do you want the answer or not? So I was in there all night. So it's probably from, like, 10:00 p.m. till about 07:00 a.m. i'm just in recess. They're doing tests more. You trying to get me to go to the toilet again. And then about 07:00 a.m. so my. Bless my mum, she's been sat there all night, literally hasn't slept, being sat in this seat all night. Go. Question, did you? [00:28:16] Speaker B: Yeah. Did your parents keep saying yes? [00:28:20] Speaker A: So in the ambulance they did. But then obviously once they did the passover, right, it got a bit. Yeah, lost in because there was so much going on and everyone was like, what? So my dad had to stay at home and my mum was with me, so my mum was sat with me, but my dad was at home, so then at 07:00 a.m. they said, okay, we're going to take her up to intensive care because she's getting worse and we don't know why. So we need, like, we want to be there in case anything happens. Yeah, go. [00:28:50] Speaker B: Did a, did the outreach team come and see you? Do you know? [00:28:54] Speaker A: I can't. [00:28:57] Speaker B: Okay, that's fine. I'll just wonder if they do. [00:28:58] Speaker A: I don't know. I don't think so, but I don't know. Yeah. So they took me up to intensive care and in the junior, you've got two levels of intensive care. So level two and level three. Level two is obviously critical care, but level three is like critical care. So they took me up to level two. No, level three. So they took me up to the, like, highest thing of intensive care. And they were saying, oh, we're gonna basically the bedside manor. They were like, oh, but we might have to intubate her, like, so casually. And I, my mum said that I absolutely lost it and was like, don't do that. I don't want you to do that. Like, whatever you do, please don't do that. And obviously in high light, if they would have just said, we're just gonna take, like, you're gonna be absolutely fine. But again, like, I think as a medical professional that's not a big thing. But obviously when you're in the situation, it's like, ah, so they took me up and anyway, they put me on the high flow oxygen, which we both speak about, which is, I can't even explain it. It's just absolutely awful because it's one of those ones where you're like, I know I need this thing to keep me alive, but it's so awful that all I want, I just spent like the whole time trying to rip it out. I hated it. And I remember when we were first messaging and you said, do you remember how hot it was? And I completely blocked that out of my memory. But now I was like, oh, my God, it was so hot. Basically. [00:30:29] Speaker B: So boiling. I used to have cold towels on my head just so I could bear the heat. [00:30:35] Speaker A: Yeah. But basically for listeners, high flow oxygen is like, you know, the, like a normal oxygen tube that you have in is basically like the big daddy version of that. Yeah. Which has oxygen and moisture in. I'm gonna mess that up. So I don't want to say that, but basically it's kind of like liquid and oxygen to help when you haven't got, I don't know, I don't even want to go into that because I don't want to get it wrong, but it basically feels like you've got your head outside your car in the Sahara desert. Yeah. Go live. [00:31:14] Speaker B: I've just given it a little google just to see. [00:31:16] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:31:17] Speaker B: So it's a type of respiratory support that supplies oxygen to patients through nasal cannula. It can deliver up to 60 litres of oxygen per minute, which is higher than a normal flow rate. And the oxygen is also heated, humidified, to prevent nasal pastures from drying out and bleeding. [00:31:35] Speaker A: Bang. I knew it. [00:31:37] Speaker B: Why it's so hot. [00:31:38] Speaker A: Yeah. Okay. And the moisture. Yeah. And it's so noisy as well. [00:31:44] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. [00:31:46] Speaker A: Do you remember how noisy it is as well? Because it's like right on your nose, it's so noisy you can't hear anything. [00:31:50] Speaker B: Yeah, no, yeah. So noisy. [00:31:53] Speaker A: And at that point they also. I had a catheter put in and also compression, like, you know, the compression things on your legs. [00:32:03] Speaker B: Yes. [00:32:05] Speaker A: Motored ones. Those going like that. [00:32:07] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:32:10] Speaker A: At this point, tell me what possessed me to pick up my phone, get b reel out and take a b reel? I've still got it. [00:32:21] Speaker B: Why? [00:32:22] Speaker A: I thought there was no filter either. [00:32:24] Speaker B: It was just anyone trying to stop you from that. [00:32:26] Speaker A: No, just did it. Selfie and then full catheter. It was just honesty. And I got so many reactions, even on be real now. It's got like a little flame emoji by the day because I had so many reactions from the be real. Classic me. Anyway, so at that point, they still weren't sure what was wrong with me, but they took blood cultures, sent them off to the lab and they came back a day later. So it can take between, like, I think. I don't want to give misinformation, but it can take between like one to three days, I believe, to come, depending on how aggressive the pathogen is. Am I medical professional or what? Yeah. Anyway, so it came back after a day, which is quick for strepe that I had. Strep a invasive strepe. It was this really nasty strain of strepe that had been going round, came over from some country. And that's why. Yeah, it was on the news and it was in lots of London primary schools. And they were asking me and asking my parents if I traveled anywhere, if I traveled to North America recently. So obviously they were trying to, like, detect where it came from. And I remember I had to like, you know, like track and trace for Covid. I had to do the same thing, but for this. And I had to give the details of the people that I'd seen within the last week, basically. And this is obviously all from what I'm being told, because I don't really remember much of this at this point. My dad came in to see me and I remember he said he'll never forget. I was like, can you please hold my hand? I'm really scared. Poor little poorly Taz. And the next kind of three days was a bit of a blur. It all kind of merged into one for me and I was in the same bay in intensive care, and then they moved me to another bay after three days. So once they found out what the infection was. So, as we know, sepsis is the body's reaction to an infection. So the infection was strep A and I'd started to develop sepsis from looking back at my notes, I also was in type one respiratory failure and my kidney and my liver were starting to fail. So after three days, they took me to another part of the same floor of intensive care. I don't really know why they moved me, but it was actually a bit of a nicer bit because I could see everyone a bit more. And, yeah, so, you know, blood tests every hour, had a Picc line inserted, had every, you know, all the things done, which, again, is not super important for listeners, but lots of chest x rays, lots of spiking in my oxygen levels. Thought I was getting better, then I got worse. It was just lots of drama, basically. Spent seven days in intensive care, which the consultants were absolutely amazed at because when they looked at all my levels, they kind of said to my parents, she's going to be in here for at least two weeks, if not more, just to prepare you. But I managed to get better in inverted commas within seven days. And the junior was on the critical care was on red alert. So it basically meant that there was no room in intensive care, so they had to try and be moving people out as quickly as they could. And because I was improving quite quickly, they decided to move me out onto a ward. I also want to mention that when I was in intensive care, they brought someone in that was in an absolutely awful state, had been in a car crash, literally. I've never seen anything like it in my life. And the same guy that picked me up in the ambulance dropped him off and he was like, fancy seeing you. He was like, yeah. And he was like, you're looking better now than you did a week ago. This is the last day before I moved out. And I went, yeah, did you know I had sepsis? And he was like, oh, he was like, that would make sense to why you were being so delusional. And I, at that point, obviously, it was nice, like, just catching up. And he spoke to the other two girls that were on shift at the time and told them that I was okay and which was really nice to kind of see him again. Moved me on to an infectious diseases ward for four days. I spent four days there. Kind of that in that time was spent more speaking to consultants, talking about aftercare, getting lots of scans, lots of x rays, lots of mris. The whole time I was just being wheeled in and out. Couldn't again. I remember the night I got dropped off in the ward, I rang my dad because it was after. After visiting hours that they moved me. They said they were okay, we're not going to move her till tomorrow. And then they were like, actually, we've got a bed, so we're going to move you out tonight. Yeah. [00:37:21] Speaker B: Why do they do. [00:37:22] Speaker A: I don't know why they do that. [00:37:24] Speaker B: Why do they do that? Please. Like, it's the most. What's the word? Trauma. Traumatic. [00:37:30] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:37:31] Speaker B: It's so horrible. [00:37:32] Speaker A: So horrible. Anyway, and I remember bringing my dad, so they literally, the two intensive care people took me to the ward and then just left. And I was like, I was in there for 20 minutes, just laid on the bed and obviously I'd just been moved from the high flow oxygen, so I was still struggling to, like, breathe. And I was called my dad. And I was like, they've just left me in here. Like, no one knows I'm here. They've left me. I was very lucky in the sense that I had my own room in the ward. So it was kind, like, wasn't that much of a change for me because I think if I would have gone into, like, a ward with ten beds, I think it would have freaked me out. Absolutely. Yeah. So I spent four days there and then I begged my consultant. When I say begged, if I could have been on my hands and knees, I would. I begged him to discharge me and he was like, well, to be fair, you're improving. And, like, there's nothing now that we can't do as an outpatient. He was like, just be prepared. You're probably going to be still coming to hospital, like, every day. Sorry if you heard that motorbike guys. And I was like, yeah, that's fine. So they took the PicC line out of me, which I was getting my iv antibiotics through, and said, you can take them orally because. Yeah. [00:38:47] Speaker B: How many times a day were you having iv. [00:38:52] Speaker A: I can't remember because I was also having. I think it was like three or four. And I was also having diuretics as well. [00:39:01] Speaker B: Right. [00:39:01] Speaker A: Which. Do you know what diuretics are? Felicia's. Basically, it makes you pee. So the fluid that was in my. Yeah, the fluid that was in my lungs. If you have this drug, basically it makes you pee. And it's a magic drug. I remember they were like, okay, just. So this is when I was in intensive care. They were like, okay, taz, we're gonna give you this, and it's gonna make you need to wee, like, immediately. And I was like, I'm 21 years of age if you think I can't control my bladder. And I was, like, so confident. They put it in 2 seconds. I was like, I need the toilet. It was the weirdest sensation ever. So I was on that. So it was. And obviously, when I was on the ward, they were taking obs as well. They would. It was just busy. And I also want to reiterate to listeners, I don't think I slept for the whole time, like, in intensive care when I was with it and lucid, I stayed awake all night and then napped in the day. If I slept, I napped when my parents were there. Yeah, we're gonna have a whole episode about intensive care and that. But it's a wild place. Like it really is. You think there's no nighttime in there? There's no nighttime. It's actually scary. I try to stay awake because I always used to think that, like, bad things happen at night. Like, you know, when you're poorly, when you're younger and you get sick, it always happens in the night. So I remember being like, I've got to stay awake so that if anything bad happens, I'm awake. Anyway, after that, I was discharged with pretty much. No, I was discharged on a Sunday, which didn't help because it was weekend staff, but I had no, like, you know, leaflets. I had nothing to explain what had happened to me. I'd just been an intensive, like, literally nothing. I was just happy to be out of there, to be honest. I left, got home, and then the recovery process started. So, yeah, that was kind of like splitting into bits. That was kind of like my sepsis story. And then after this kind of goes into a recovery story. [00:41:13] Speaker B: So how long in total did you. [00:41:19] Speaker A: Eleven days. [00:41:21] Speaker B: Okay. [00:41:21] Speaker A: Which is. It's a lot, but it's. It's not that long, really. [00:41:26] Speaker B: Eleven days? Yeah. I do think. [00:41:29] Speaker A: Not for how poorly I was. [00:41:31] Speaker B: No, it's not. Not at all. It's a long time when you're unwell and you're going through it, but like you said. Yeah, not a long time, really, for. [00:41:39] Speaker A: How they were amazed about how quickly, like, they discharged me, too. They were kind of like, do you. [00:41:47] Speaker B: Ever feel like, how am I gonna word this? That the person that you are and the way that you're made up, like, you're ahead, you, like you said, your work ethic and everything, do you think that contributed to your recovery? Like, your determination to, like, I'm gonna get better. I'm gonna get up and walk. I want to do this. You know. You know, there's that. And I don't want this to come across the wrong way to any of our followers, but you know that almost, like, a few people had used the word to me of, like, a victim. [00:42:17] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. [00:42:19] Speaker B: You know, we're in hospital and you can almost use it. [00:42:23] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:42:24] Speaker B: And they call it something about, like, that. They call. There's a. There's a phrase that they use for patients when they are unwell, and they sort of use it to their advantage to be, like, to be nursed. [00:42:36] Speaker A: Yeah. And that was completely actually opposite to how I was. Especially after leaving hospital. I was straight away, my mum was like, just lay in bed all day and I'd be like, there's no way. Like, there's no way I'm laying in bed all day. I'm out of hospital. I can do whatever I want. She said, like, couldn't even walk up the stairs by herself. But from the day I left hospital, I was doing something to try and improve myself, I think on day three out of hospital, I took myself for a walk round. I've got a little loop in my clothes that takes probably five minutes. Took me about 25 minutes to do it, but I just. Little loops and try and build it up every day. Three days after I left hospital, I got in contact with the UK sepsis trust and asked if I can volunteer, which, if that doesn't bring me to a t, I don't know what does. Trying to up. Yeah. And they were like, okay, we love that you want to volunteer, but how about I point you to our nurses and you can have a little chat with them first? And I was like, oh, I see what you're doing. And thank God they did, to be fair, because I then worked really closely with Oliver, one of the support nurses at the UK sepsis trust, and he completely put my mind at ease. I remember when he first. When I first spoke to him, he was like, how are you feeling then? And I was like, yeah, I'm all right. And he was like, okay, I'm going to ask that question again. It's okay if you're not feeling okay. And I was like, blah, blah, blah. And I just absolutely word vomited exactly how I was feeling. And I was like, is this normal? Is this normal? And he answered, bless him, every single one of my stupid, probably stupid questions. But I was just. Had no support from the hospital, which I understand, like, that's no hate or shade, but. [00:44:26] Speaker B: No, but it's not great, is it? [00:44:28] Speaker A: No. And obviously that's what we're trying. [00:44:32] Speaker B: Like, yeah, you've gone through something that life altering and traumatic. There needs to be more support. Something like that. It's not normal. [00:44:44] Speaker A: No. [00:44:45] Speaker B: You're 21 and you just. And I think that a lot of. I think that people don't, like, really see that for serious. [00:44:54] Speaker A: It is, yeah. So then, basically I got in contact with a physio that is really close to me about five minutes down the road. And I have to say I had private healthcare insurance. And without that, I am so grateful and lucky to have been in the position where I had that, because without that, I don't think I'd be back dancing. [00:45:26] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:45:26] Speaker A: Because I was able to use it straight away. And obviously it's such a luxury and I hate speaking about it on here. And then I went to my private house. It wasn't. I don't want it to come across like that, but I also have to reiterate to the listeners that that was a massive part of my recovery and that I am really grateful for the fact that I had that. [00:45:47] Speaker B: It doesn't come that way. And you're allowed to have private health insurance. [00:45:52] Speaker A: Yeah, I know. [00:45:54] Speaker B: You know, I know people. Like you said, yes, it's a luxury. Yes, money's tight and it's all about money. But at the end of the day, you've got it. And it wasn't like you. You weren't going to be grateful for it. That's your lifeline. [00:46:07] Speaker A: Yeah, exactly. And I would. And in the end, the actual. The insurance only covered, like, ten sessions, so I actually ended up paying for most of it myself. Yeah. But I went to a place called the Bosworth Clinic in Oxfordshire, and I'm sure my physio Simon will maybe be listening to this episode. And I want to say to everyone that he is probably one of the best humans I've ever come across. He was so patient with me. I remember on our first appointment, he was like, so what's going on? Just like, a consult. And I told him, and he was like, right, okay, then. And obviously, for him, it was something different as well. You don't obviously get many people that come in, and I was like, so basically, this. This. This has happened, and I want to dance again, like, soon, so go. And he was like, right, I'm just gonna manage your expectations here. This is gonna be a long process. Yeah, yeah. Simon, if you're listening, like, I have the most gratitude, and I tell him this all the time, and he's one of those people that's just like, ah. But he. He did some, like, he still does. I still work with him now, but in those really, like, early stages, first six months, first year, he helped me so much, not only just being a physio, being a friend, basically, being a therapist. Like, he was incredible, and I'll be forever grateful for him. He. The whole team at the physio that I went to, the Bosworth clinic, Gordon, Alan, like, all. Everyone there were just absolutely incredible. And it really gave me as, like, my personality type. It gave me something to focus on. I was in that gym every day. I didn't miss a day. I was in there every day. Started off literally doing, like, glute bridges, because that's all I could do. And then I built up, and I built up, and with the help of the team, like, I improved. And now I'm very lucky, obviously, that I'm able to dance again. But that was a massive part of my recovery, and perhaps that's more because of my expectations of my body and the needs of my body as a dancer, I had to do that. It wasn't like I was going back to an office job, because I think perhaps if I was going back to an office job, maybe I would have felt like I'd recover. I don't know. I can never say for sure, but because I was demanding so much of my body, it required so much physical rehab that sometimes it helped me distract myself from the other sides of it 100%. [00:49:06] Speaker B: Like, the mental sides of that. [00:49:08] Speaker A: Yeah. So then kind of rounding up now, I also, after a couple of months, in about December or January, 2022 to 2023, I found myself a therapist. Because I was really struggling mentally and physically, I was finding it really hard to process everything that I'd been through. I found it really hard to speak to people about what I'd been through without it, without myself worrying that I was coming across attention seeking, which I know in hindsight again, that it's probably not what it would have come across like, but. So I didn't really speak to anyone about how I was feeling properly. Obviously, I said it was hard, but I never really spoke to anyone about how hard I was finding it. Found my lovely therapist, who I went to see weekly for about six months, and then I kind of dropped down sessions, and I still see her now. She helped me massively through the trauma. I say diagnose me, but we spoke about the fact that I was suffering with PTSD. We worked through that. And, yes, on a mental, like, mental health side of things, I find it quite difficult to talk about, only because I've always been such a positive person that I've never. I'm very, very fortunate in the fact that I'd never struggled with anything in the mental health realm. I'd never struggled with that. So the fact that I'd gone from being, so. Everyone calls me positive poly, like my friend's family, I've always been the positive one to the fact that I couldn't provide that support for people, which in turn was making me more frustrated, was really hard for me. And I just found. I don't know how you felt that. I was angry all the time. I was so. I was holding so much anger inside of me that it was literally eating me alive. [00:51:15] Speaker B: Yeah, I. Yeah, I can relate to that. [00:51:18] Speaker A: And I think it was a. [00:51:21] Speaker B: Sorry, go on. [00:51:21] Speaker A: No, no, go. [00:51:23] Speaker B: I think it's the grief for lost time. [00:51:27] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:51:28] Speaker B: Why is this happening? Why did this happen to me at such a young age? Nobody gets me. Nobody understands. Yeah. And it's just. They're like, what could have been? What if? And I think a lot of it's just. Why me? [00:51:43] Speaker A: Yeah, definitely. [00:51:47] Speaker B: And I think that there's no way out of that. There's. You just have to go through it. [00:51:52] Speaker A: Yeah, definitely. [00:51:53] Speaker B: You're gonna feel those feelings, and it just takes time for you to gain a bit of perspective. [00:51:59] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:51:59] Speaker B: If you can gain perspective, because that's a hard thing as well. Right? Isn't it? Like, to be able to think, okay, this happened because it's taught me this, which is such a horrible lesson to learn. Like, could I not have learned that? [00:52:12] Speaker A: Yeah. And I remember one of my friends, he said to me so soon after I came out of hospital, I remember him saying to me, I know you don't feel like it now, but I promise you that everything happens for a reason. And I remember being like, the cheek of it. The cheek that, like, I was like, this is not. This is not that. And I. But now, looking back, not that I'd ever wish that I had gone through what I've gone through, but it has shaped me so much into the person that I am. And without that, I wouldn't be who I am today. I might not have made friendships. That is me and you do, you know, I mean, like, there's things in life that have brought so much happiness into my life. So it's a really, you know, tricky one. Like, it's difficult, but, yeah, kind of rounding up my story now, because I have been waffling for a long time. And if you're still listening to this, I appreciate it. But basically, the main things, I guess, to take from my story is that listen to your body. Have the confidence to speak out when you think something's not quite right. But also, you can't give yourself a hard time if you don't do those things. And I think I find that tricky. And, like, I'm always like, oh, why didn't I just not do that? But again, if you live your whole life, I always say this. Living life with regret, to me, is like trying to drive a car, but just constantly looking out the rear view mirror. Like, you can't drive a car and just look behind you, otherwise you're going to crash and you're going to burn. That's what I think I've had to come to terms with a lot, but, you know, I guess I'm. That's my story in a nutshell. I don't know whether you listening to me yapping, you've got any questions to clear things up, but, I mean, I. [00:54:11] Speaker B: I know your story, like, pretty well now. Yeah, I'm just gonna say about the, like you've just said about guilt and thing. Like, maybe we could do an episode, like, really talking about that because it's. It's so real, isn't it? Like, the feeling. But I'm very proud of you. [00:54:31] Speaker A: Thanks, babe. [00:54:33] Speaker B: And, yeah, like, aside from knowing, like, everything that's happened to you, you are generally so positive and your outlook in life is incredible. And you would never know that you carry that around with you. So. I always just think it's so real when people say, like, be kind to everyone. You don't know what they're going through. [00:54:53] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:54:54] Speaker B: You would never have known that this is what you will now live with for the rest of your life because your out life is lovely and you're so positive and you're not resentful and hateful. And I think that it can go one or two ways. I think these, like, traumatic events in life can either lead you to a place of, like, acceptance and freedom and everything, or it can make you really angry and bitter. I think you've taken the steps that you needed to take to make yourself better and a better person, like therapy and your physio. And it's very brave to ask for help and to say that, like, you know what? I'm not going to be able to do this alone, but this is what I want. This is how I'm going to get there. It's very brave. [00:55:43] Speaker A: Yeah. Thanks, babe. And I also just want to say a last thing. If my family are listening, I've never said this to them because, ooh, gross emotions, feeling. But I want to apologize for the person that I was when I was going through recovery because I just wanted to say this before. I. I'll be frustrated if I miss this out. I honestly could have looked in the mirror and not recognized the person I was when I was going through my recovery, and I turned, that anger turned me into a very hateful person. I don't know if that's the right word, but I carried, because I was carrying around so much. They were the first people that I took it out on, and they were very patient with me. And I'm so grateful for all the support that they've given me because without that, I would have really struggled, and they could have very easily have been like, stop acting like that. But they were so supportive. I remember once I just absolutely lashed out at my brother, and I could see he was so close to saying something back to me, and he just was like, it's fine. And like, he knew. And I'm grateful that I've got those people in my life that were able to support me in that. So familiar listening. I love you. [00:56:55] Speaker B: Yeah. And they love you. And that's why they knew it wasn't you. [00:56:59] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:56:59] Speaker B: And they were just letting you ride the wave. [00:57:01] Speaker A: Ride the wave. But, yeah. So that was a lengthy. A lengthy party. I'm really apologetic to everyone but me, and livid has said that we wanted to make sure that our stories had the time that they needed and we could tell them in full length and depth so that, because this, you know, guys, this for us is like therapy, too. Like, doing this is allowing us to let go of a lot of things that we've been holding in for a long time. So grateful for this platform, in being able to do that. Grateful for you for supporting me in this episode. [00:57:35] Speaker B: Grateful for you always. [00:57:37] Speaker A: And so this is episode two of the podcast. I'm also saying this so that me and Olivia know what the hell is going on. This is going to be. As you're listening to this is going to be released on Thursday the 12 September, which means that tomorrow is World Sepsis Day, which is going to have a very special bonus episode for you all where we were lucky enough to speak to the coolest guy around, the most incredible guy, Doctor Ron Daniels. We had a. It's about a 30 minutes bonus episode and we go into having a medical professional and he explains things. It's basically sepsis for dummies for us as well. So it should be a really interesting podcast to listen to and super helpful to kind of navigate the rest of this, the episodes, so that we have something to base it off. It was an incredible conversation and I know that both of us had a really fun time filming it. And next week, Thursday, next week, you're going to hear Olivia's story, which is really exciting. And it's going to be a similar layout to this week. And I'm really excited for you to you guys to hear it. Because when I say Olivia is one of the bravest people I know, it is without a doubt like the biggest truth I could ever say. She is so brave and I'm excited for her to get the space to tell her story. And yeah, that's basically it. I'm gonna stop waffling now. [00:59:20] Speaker B: Yeah. So I would just like to add that I have decided that I would like to add in a little quote at the end of our episodes that resonate with recovery and trauma survival. And I found this quote the other day. It's a little bit of a long one. Bear with me. But when Taz said that she was going to be recording her story and we were doing that together, this came up and I thought that it really resonated with Tazem. So I'm going to read it now. I'm excited it the wind changed direction and I lost my way. I tend to panic when I'm thrown off course, frantically trying to get back on track. But I'm starting to realize that I've been beating myself up for not being able to keep up with everyone else. But did I ever question the destination? I don't even know what I want yet. Of course I don't know where I'm going. I don't know where I'm headed. I'm not lost. I'm simply finding my way. [01:00:16] Speaker A: Oh, that's a really nice one. [01:00:18] Speaker B: It's lovely, isn't it? And it was a little picture and it was like, little animated. [01:00:23] Speaker A: Well, we're gonna all of these quotes, so this is, like I say, a new segment, but at the end of each episode, we're gonna have a quote that resonates with the episode, and we're gonna post it on our instagram feed so that you guys can kind of keep up with it and come along the journey with us. [01:00:41] Speaker B: Yes. Thank you so much for listening, we hope. Thank you for sharing your story. [01:00:45] Speaker A: Thanks, babe. Yeah. End of episode two. Two episodes in the bag. Woo. Hope you guys enjoyed listening. If you haven't already, give us a follow on the Instagram age, our handle isurviving and thriving podcast where we post quite a lot on there. So if you want to keep up to date with everything, head on over there and. Yeah, that's basically it for me. Anything you want to say, babe, just. [01:01:15] Speaker B: Yeah, head over, please. Share if you can. It's all grateful. We are grateful for your shares and. Yeah, I think that's it. [01:01:24] Speaker A: Perfect. Well, we're wishing you a lovely week. Happy, separate awareness. Oh, my goodness. Right. We love you. We'll speak to you next week. [01:01:33] Speaker B: Love you. Bye.