We're Back! - Lets catch up!!

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Just a disclaimer. We are not doctors, we are not medical professionals. We are just two girls who have survived sepsis that are navigating their recovery. [00:00:07] Speaker B: If there is anything that you are seriously struggling with, we urge you to contact a gp. And if you think that you might have sepsis, you should seek immediate medical care as sepsis is life threatening and time critical. [00:00:19] Speaker A: We just wanted to pop a little trigger warning in as well that this podcast may contain content that listeners find distressing. [00:00:26] Speaker B: Please listen with care and always remember to be kind to yourselves where possible. [00:00:31] Speaker A: Hi guys. Welcome back to the Surviving and Thriving podcast with Taz and Olivia. It has been a while. [00:00:38] Speaker B: Hey guys. [00:00:40] Speaker A: It has been the longest time. We apologize for our absence. We have just had the craziest end of 2024. I think I was thinking about this this morning on my morning walk about when was the last time we filmed an episode and I think it was probably beginning of October. [00:00:58] Speaker B: That's really bad from us. We are. Life has been lifing and me and Taz just said like, we had a little catch up before we pressed record and we were like, we are on completely different schedules. So really hard for us to get time to like sit and record. But there's no excuses. We're going to be better this year. [00:01:16] Speaker A: Yeah. The first New Year's resolution actually filmed the podcast. [00:01:20] Speaker B: Christmas and everything. And then we had your birthday. Christmas, my birthday. A lot's gone on. But we're back and we're gonna make it a priority this year to get episodes in. [00:01:31] Speaker A: Yeah, for sure. And I think before we kind of talk about New Year, like what we're planning on doing this year, this is basically for everyone listening. We're treating this episode as like a catch up, like what we've been up to, where we've been, what we've been doing, just so that we're like all on the same page, ready to go for the next couple of episodes. So basically after we filmed, obviously we had the episode with Ron, which I still like was one of my favorite episodes. I just, I've listened to it like five times. Basically we had opposite schedules and also, like being completely transparent. Two minutes into the podcast, here she goes. I struggled. I think when we talk about mental health, especially in recovering from something like sepsis, sometimes it's easy to expect that the progress is linear. And especially for me, like not having really suffered with any mental health issues before, I kind of thought once I was out, I was out and I was all Gucci and everything was going to be Fine. But I had my two year sepsis anniversary in October and Olivia had hers in December. And I don't think it, like, impacted me specifically, like, just because it was two years on the day. I just think my general, like, emotions and where I was sitting fell off around that time. And I don't know whether that's because it was coming up or whether because just like, subconsciously I had that in my head. But I really just felt like I needed a bit of a break. So Olivia was my little angel and she was like, let's just take a break. There's no pressure. [00:03:21] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:03:22] Speaker A: That's kind of how I felt. And it kind of rode into like October and November and then in December I definitely, like, had a full switch and I'm feeling so much better now. [00:03:34] Speaker B: Yeah. I think that like you said, I think it's your subconscious is just it. You know, don't you? You know that like, this is. I don't know, it's so weird. I think your body and your mind knows it's not like, even on the day, like, I think you sort of expect this big day. [00:03:51] Speaker A: Yeah. Wave of emotion and everything. [00:03:54] Speaker B: And in reality no one remembers that it's your day, just you. Because it's only you that like, not cares, but it's only significant to you. And I think that just in your mind that hold. Of course you're gonna feel some kind of way, aren't you? It's like a whole, like, chapter of your life. And I don't know about you and I don't know if this sounds a bit like warp, but I. The longer it goes on, the worse I feel because I don't like that times going by. [00:04:23] Speaker A: Yeah. And that is. That is so funny you said that because I was talking to a friend about this the other day and I actually went back to therapy last week, which was really fun, well done to me because I was putting off for ages. But I just went back just to like, it felt like a big thing for me and then like, oh, I'm taking a step backwards. But I just like, want to get myself back on track and then I can like, carry on. But I said to my therapist and I was like, every time I almost every time I feel emotional, feel anything towards what happened, the further along I get, the more guilt. [00:05:01] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:05:02] Speaker A: Beside the feeling. So not just are you feeling, like stressed, anxious, like about what's happened, I then also have this overwhelming feeling of like, it's been two years, mate. Get the hell over it. Like, but it's. You Just can't help it. And that's what I found really interesting. [00:05:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:05:20] Speaker A: You can't just push it to the side and be like, it's two years. [00:05:22] Speaker B: Ago, and you don't, like. Do you know what I think it is? I think that because, like I said, it's not. It's only significant to you. And I get that it's significant to your family, but in a completely different way. They all, like, honor it, but it's not big to them. [00:05:37] Speaker A: No. Yeah. For sure. [00:05:38] Speaker B: The thing is that, like, I think that you just get this. Like, it's still a huge deal to you. It will be a huge deal to you forever. [00:05:46] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:05:46] Speaker B: And I don't like this. As time goes on, I feel an obligation to not care as much. [00:05:52] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:05:53] Speaker B: And, like, I don't know about you, but I always feel like the longer it goes on, people do act like it's forgotten about. Yeah, I haven't forgotten about it. [00:06:02] Speaker A: Which is, like, also a completely natural thing to do. Because, like, if I think of, like, friends have gone through, obviously not the same thing, but something different. Like, immediately when a big event or something happens, you're there for your friends. But then as time goes on, of course, like, you don't have your diary. You don't know. Like, it's a natural thing for people just to, like, move on. So then you kind of have that guilt of, like, do I. Do I, like, celebrate the wrong word? But, you know, I mean, like, do I mark this occasion? But it's even stuff like the weather. Like, I know, like, when we hit September, October, it starts getting darker. And like, that reminds me all of, like. [00:06:39] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:06:40] Speaker A: When I went into hospital, like, when I was like, oh, my God, the days are so, like, short. Like, they feel long, but, like, it's. The light is not here for that long. Like, the weather. Like, coming up to Christmas, going to a garden center, which I love. But also, like, I can't help but remember, like, when I just come out of hospital and it was hard to walk around the garden center. So it's really. It's a really funny. Really funny feeling. [00:07:02] Speaker B: And I don't know, I just feel like I get really sad because I'm like, I don't want to forget this, and I don't want it to just be like, another day. I don't ever want to. You know, sometimes people get to. Like, when you get to, like, the, like, 10 years, 20 years mark, and then, like, people just, like, the day goes by, and then they think, oh, that was. That was that day. And you think, I don't ever want it to get to a point where it's been forgotten about. [00:07:29] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:07:29] Speaker B: And it's just another day. I don't know. I get really, like. I get quite sad as time goes by to think, oh, like, I wish it wasn't so long ago. And I don't know why. I think that's just the feeling of. [00:07:39] Speaker A: Like, oh, my God, we're literally so the same. [00:07:42] Speaker B: It's so weird. I can't put my finger on it because I don't want it. I don't want to be back where I was last year, because I can't. The headspace I was in last year is awful. And I don't really remember it. [00:07:50] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:07:50] Speaker B: But at the same time, I'm like, I don't want time to go on because I don't want it to be, like, three years ago now. This year's our third year. [00:07:58] Speaker A: I know. It's absolutely mental. [00:08:01] Speaker B: And that all happened three years ago. Three years ago. [00:08:05] Speaker A: I know. And I remember, like, when I went into the hospital, like, quite soon after I came out for a few appointments, like, you recognize the porters, you recognize the nurses, and, like, because it's such a significant thing in your head. And I've been doing some work at the hospital that I was in with their sepsis team, and when I go in now, I'm like, no one would even remember me, like, in. That's a good thing. Obviously, like, I don't want to be. I don't want, like, that to happen. But it's, like, so funny how something is so significant in your life is, like, so not even insignificant in, like, a. Oh, that doesn't matter. But just, like, every day. Yeah. [00:08:40] Speaker B: Yeah, I know. It's so weird, isn't it? But obviously, yeah, Navigate, like, this. This, like, recovery is crazy. And I always, like. I do think that, like, there's this ex. Like, we're both back at work, right. Full time, which I do always. I feel really guilty about that. Like, I really wish that I was in a. Which I wasn't in a better place, so there's just no point saying it, but I really wish that things were different and I took a bit more time off and everything and just, like, really, like, processed it a bit more and that. But I didn't. And I just, like, I didn't go back to work, like, super quick, but three months. [00:09:20] Speaker A: Yes, she did. Yes, she did go back to work. [00:09:24] Speaker B: After what I went through is not. I don't know. I just, like, There's a lot around it, you know, and you just think, oh, like I just feel like, you know, you just want to give you like your. Yourself a hug and be like, yeah. [00:09:36] Speaker A: And also. But like, there's no how to guide for this stuff. Like, and I guess this is what we want this platform to be. Like, we want it to be a, like a place where people that are in their early stages or even like 20 years, like post sepsis, that they can listen in here and like, just relate and be like, oh. Because I remember like when I'd see people post or like on a support group when they would post something and I could relate to it, I'd be like, oh my God. Like, that is such a nice feeling that you don't feel by yourself. Like, and especially in your immediate circle where people can empathize but not understand what's happening. [00:10:13] Speaker B: Yeah. And sometimes I like think about like the people that, you know, you work with or you see every day and I think I'm like the. A lot of people would have really milked that. [00:10:26] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:10:26] Speaker B: Had like a year off, half a year off. But I don't, I genuinely don't know if I had it like now. I think, oh, I'd have it in my heart to have a half a year off a year because I'm happier. [00:10:36] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:10:37] Speaker B: But back then, would I have actually coped? [00:10:41] Speaker A: Yeah, exactly. [00:10:42] Speaker B: Having any like, even like I was going to work and like I go, I went straight back to work. I was literally doing like two hours a day. [00:10:49] Speaker A: Yeah. But it seems. [00:10:51] Speaker B: Yeah, it's a big, it was like a get up and like this is where like, it was my like, little thing of like, at least I've got a bit of a routine. [00:10:58] Speaker A: Yeah. Introducing routine. [00:11:00] Speaker B: Yeah. And I was literally just like pottering around work. I wasn't like, I had no duties really. I was just like getting back into it. But it was like a little bit of a, like normality for me. [00:11:11] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:11:11] Speaker B: Like it wasn't the worst thing in the world. But you know, when you just feel like, I don't know, it's hard. It's just there's. I feel like there is a lot of guilt. [00:11:17] Speaker A: Yeah. And you know what, that's okay that like, because whatever we would have done, I'm sure we'd feel the same way and being like, oh, I wish I would have taken so much time off because it left me in this position. So I think it's okay to feel that feeling and any recovery. I think it's natural that you have questions of why you did things, but at the end of the day, we navigated it the best we could. [00:11:43] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. Like, give ourselves grace for that. Like, we, like you said we did, just did the best we could with what we knew. [00:11:50] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:11:50] Speaker B: And I don't know about you. I don't know, like, about your upbringing and everything, but, like, I was very much from a house of, like, get back on the horse. Like, you're not well. Go to school. Like, you're gonna be fine. If you're sick, you'd just get gap gonna. Like, there wasn't a lot of. Yeah, like, there wasn't a lot of, like, sympathy from my mum or dad. It was just like, go on, you'll be fine. Go to school. You'll be all right. And so I just. It's just in me to just be like, I'll be okay. And, like, soldier on. Yeah, it's, like, ingrained in me to just be like, I'll be fine. Like, I'll just get back on it. Like, it'll be okay. [00:12:22] Speaker A: Which I think is probably one side of it, obviously not as good. But the other side of it is probably why we had the fight in us. We had when we were in hospital. Because, you know, like, both of us could have been like, do you know what I'm tapping out here? Like, this is too much. [00:12:42] Speaker B: I do think that, like, I don't know. And this is such a. I think about this all the time. But, like, funny you say that. Like, I know that obviously, like, I had to be ventilated and you weren't. But that, like, in your brain. I think your brain is like, you. You can't, like, give up now. Like, you have to get, like. Do you know what I mean? It's like. [00:13:01] Speaker A: Because I did a subconscious thing as well, though, because. Yeah. [00:13:04] Speaker B: And you know, like, you, like, you know, look back in, like, when people were like, hunter gatherers and you'd, like, go out and you'd fight and stuff. Like, you look around, like, this might sound a little bit harsh, but, you know when you look around in society now and you think you can tell people who would, like, just be eaten by. Oh, yeah, straight away. Because they've just got no, like, get up and go wheel to, like, fight and live. And, like, I don't know. I do think that, like, you said, like, part of us must have just been like. Like, no, it's not your time. You. You're gonna. You're gonna fight and you're gonna do it. And, yeah, like you said, it's just one of those things where if. When you know better, you do better. But we didn't know anything better at the time, did we? So we just did the best we could. [00:13:47] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:13:47] Speaker B: It's hard. There's so much. There is so much guilt. And I don't know about you, even, but, like I was saying to Callum the other day, like, I do think I need to, like, go into some kind of therapy to, like, really, like, start unpicking it, because I don't want to get further down the line. And this become a big issue for me because I've already quite. I've already noticed I've not been diagnosed with ptsd. I think I might have complex ptsd, and I've not not been diagnosed with it. But that can really, really hit you if you don't sort of, like, process it. [00:14:17] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:14:18] Speaker B: When you notice it. Because I'm always like. Like, I say to Callum, Callum's like, well, why don't we go and speak to somebody? I can come with you and it'll be okay. And I was like, I really can't be bothered to sit and unload it. [00:14:28] Speaker A: And exactly that. And I think that when I first went therapy, I was in exactly the same headspace, but I was also headspace of, like, if I carry on like this, I'm going to do something stupid that I shouldn't do, because I think it becomes this, like, huge weight. Then also, especially being, like, further down the line, you have the weight of the trauma, the weight of, like, the unknown, and also the weight of the guilt for, like, putting this on your loved ones and the people around you. Because I did exactly the same thing recently. My partner James, definitely my PTSD had got worse kind of towards the back end of last year and beginning of this year, and I was like, having, like, for me personally, like, I get really bad night terrors, so mine kind of happens and comes into fruition more at night. But I remember, like, every time one would happen, not only would I be like, oh, my God, like, that is exhausting and horrible. And I'd also be like, oh, my God, I feel so guilty because I'm also putting someone else through this. And I think that's a big part of, like, especially both of our personalities. Even, like, when I speak to my therapist, I'm like, I'm really, like. I'm really sorry that I'm like, get, like, unloading this all onto you. And she's like, taz, that's literally my job. I'm like, I know, but I'm really sorry. Like, this is a lot. You're so stupid. [00:15:50] Speaker B: Yeah. And I think that it's like, you know the whole thing of, like, obviously, you know, when you notice things that you're doing and you're like, okay, this obviously isn't very healthy. And I know I need to. Like, I'm. Like I said to someone the other day, like, I just don't know where to start with it all. Like, I don't know where to. I feel like I. I just. What is the point? Because it's just like the first session would probably just be you just ranting on and going on and on, right? Yeah. A long, winding road of having to go down. And every day you're just like. Or not. Like, every week you go to a session, you're just like constantly unpacking all of this stuff that you're actually trying up really hard to forget. [00:16:27] Speaker A: Yes, I know, I know, but that's exactly the mindset that we get ourselves into, especially in, like, today's society. But I think also at the same time, like, from personal experience, the first few sessions, I was literally like completely trauma blocking. Like, I was like talking about anything but what I was paying this woman to go there and do my own hard earned money, and I was trying to lie to her. Yeah, Literally. Such an idiot. But then it gets the point when you start trusting this person more, that although you are unpacking it on a regular, it also becomes this space, like where you unpack it in this room, in this place, wherever your therapy is, and then you kind of leave it in there. And when you go, like, it feels like, for me anyway, it felt definitely like a place where I could unpack it and kind of leave all the deep, dark stuff in there. And then even though, of course, like, when you bring up trauma, like, it hangs around and you for the day and you think about it a lot, but it means that, like, you don't feel the. I don't know if you, like, can relate, but, like, it almost feels like for me, if I can't speak, but, like, it's just bubbling under the surface. Like, I can feel it there, all the trauma. Like, I can feel it there, but I just. I'm like trying to push it down and push it down and push it down. And for me, like, going to therapy just kind of just softened that, which meant that everything else just felt a little bit less like, on edge, fight or flight. [00:17:53] Speaker B: Okay, that's great. Like, that's good to know because I feel like, like the the more time goes on. I am really trying to, like. And the thing is, I can recognize it. I'm like, oh, that's not. Like, I know what I'm doing. It's, like, quite detrimental. Like, the way that Mackins are, like, well, maybe that's not great. [00:18:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:18:10] Speaker B: I'm just. I'm not really in a place where I feel like dealing with that. So how am I gonna get any better? [00:18:15] Speaker A: Yeah. And that's the thing. But I think, like, taking that first step is the. The worst and hardest part. Once you've done the first session, you're like, I've got, like, here we. Like, here we go again. Like, it's the same as going to a hospital appointment. Like, you don't really want to go there. Like. And when I went back to therapy last week, she was like, I know you don't want to be here. Like, I'm not silly. Like, this is not your fun place to be on a Friday. Like, but also, like, you owe yourself the chance to, like, like, lift weight off your shoulders a bit. [00:18:49] Speaker B: Yeah. And I have feel, like, been noticing because, like, I really want to, like. I think I'm quite, like, spiritual and mindful anyway, but I really want to, like, like, go into, like, a real, like, space of peace this year. [00:19:02] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:19:03] Speaker B: And really, like, take that piece and try and, like, be the, like, the best I can be in everything. But, like, so many things I noticed that I do and I watch, like, tick Tocks about PTSD and everything. And I watched one earlier, and it was this lady. And I don't know if you can relate to any of these, but it's little things, like, I pick my hair. [00:19:21] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:19:21] Speaker B: This lady was like a cp. Yeah. She was like a complex post traumatic disorder, like, response is to, like, this lady was saying she picks her split ends off. [00:19:33] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:19:33] Speaker B: I pick my hair. I just pick hairs out. [00:19:35] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:19:36] Speaker B: Adam's like, stop doing that. And I'm like, oh, I don't even know. I'm doing it half time. And then there was another one where she said it was like, chronic. Hang on. What's the word? What's. Can you help me? Quick? What's that word when you're like, oh, procrastinating? It's like, chronic. I bet you're, like, in a free state where you're just, like, stood and you're not doing. You know, you've got so much to do and you, like, can't do what the thing that you need to do. [00:20:01] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:20:01] Speaker B: And that's great. That's like, that's like something you just be like, oh, that's just. You wouldn't, like, think, oh, that's. That. That's. This is happening because of this. You just think, oh, I just don't know what's going on with me today. I'm just having a funny day. Well, it's not. It's a. Like, what am I trying to say here? This happens to me all the time as well. Like, I get halfway through a sentence, I'm like, what. [00:20:22] Speaker A: What's going on? [00:20:24] Speaker B: But no, what I'm saying is it's to recognize that. Oh, actually, this is the ptsd, not me just having a funny five minutes. [00:20:30] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:20:31] Speaker B: That. I think a therapist would help with that and be like, okay, that's that. And this is what you can do if you feel like you're in that place. [00:20:37] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:20:37] Speaker B: Because it's knowing, like, okay, what do I do now then? How do I. With this now? [00:20:43] Speaker A: Yeah, definitely. And I think, you know, those situations, when they arise, it's learning how to deal with them whilst being in a social situation. Like, it's all these things that, like, it's all good and well, like, knowing how to deal with a flashback, how to deal with the kind of, like, when you're zoning out and when you're by yourself. Because it's like, not as much. But I definitely found for me that when I was in a social situation, it would then add, like, a whole lot of anxiety on top of what was happening. [00:21:14] Speaker B: How do you do in big groups? Like, how do you. How. Because I. I avoid them. [00:21:19] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:21:19] Speaker B: I can't feel in them because I can't. I can't cope if there's more than five people they know. [00:21:26] Speaker A: Yeah. Pre. Pre everything. I am your, like, biggest social butterfly. I'm like, big group, get me there. Like, any plans, get me there. I still thrive in a big group. But I really noticed now the. Before, I really freaked myself out. And I, like, I'm like, I don't think I should go to this. Like, I don't think. Which is something I'm working through because I hate that feeling. Like, I've always been this social kind of like, take me anywhere, anytime, but once I'm in that situation, like now, I'm kind of back to my normal. But rewind a year, six months. Even when I was in a situation, I'd be like, why am I feeling like this? And also then I'd be beating myself up because I'd be like, why am I feeling like this? So. And I think it's Just like, putting yourself in situations that are going to set you up for success. Like, if you know that you're not gonna thrive in a big group, then, like, for now, don't put yourself in a big group. Like. [00:22:29] Speaker B: Yeah, I think a lot. I think what's hard is. And you. You have to, like, really explain to people, which is. I don't really get how other people can't comprehend it, but that's fine. But, like, if you get invited to something and you're like, you know what? I'm gonna give this a miss. People just think it's rude. [00:22:46] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:22:46] Speaker B: And I'm like, either come and have a panic attack. [00:22:48] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. [00:22:50] Speaker B: And then I'm gonna ruin it for everybody. Or I just acknowledge the fact that that's not gonna be good for me. [00:22:55] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:22:55] Speaker B: And I thank you. But I'm not gonna come, you know. [00:22:58] Speaker A: Yeah. And it's, again, guilt. It's like stripping the guilt from these situations, which I think is, like, an easier said than done, you know, like, or even just recognizing the guilt and, like, letting it sit and then being like, okay, cool, I felt guilty now. Like, I can let that go. [00:23:13] Speaker B: Yeah, definitely. [00:23:14] Speaker A: For sure. And, like, I think, like, in terms of wrapping up the episode, because we're trying, guys, to keep these episodes short and as sweet as possible, but, yeah, short and sweet for you guys. You don't have to hear us ramble all the time, but basically, over the next three episodes, we are going to talk about post sepsis syndrome, which is a term that's used quite a lot. It's not an officially medically recognized symptom syndrome, I don't think, like, official, official, but there are GPs and doctors that are kind of diagnosing people with this condition. And someone on our Instagram had asked us to kind of dive into it. So to make it easier for you guys, we have kind of split it into three groups. And so post sepsis syndrome is basically symptoms that you feel post sepsis, whether that be, you know, an intensive care admission or whether it's slightly smaller. But we split it into three, which is cognitive symptoms, which things like clouded thinking, difficulty concentrating, poor memory. Then emotional symptoms, which anxiety, depression, difficulty sleeping, ptsd, which we've dived into a little bit today. And then the more physical symptoms like muscle weakness, fatigue, pain, breathlessness, and we're basically going to spend the next three episodes unpacking these and kind of just allowing you to be in a space and just feel heard and that maybe some of the things you're feeling aren't normal that if you've had sepsis, it's an absolutely normal thing to feel. Yeah. I guess before we wrap up the episode, maybe we could kind of just say one thing going into this year that it doesn't have to be to do with obviously everything, sepsis, but something that we're going to try and do to go into this year with kind of positivity and stuff like that. [00:25:21] Speaker B: Do you want to go first? [00:25:23] Speaker A: I can go first. [00:25:24] Speaker B: You can go first. [00:25:26] Speaker A: I think this year, going along the guilt train, I want to live life not guilt free, because that's not gonna be possible, of course, but I want to basically live life without apology. I don't want to always be thinking, oh, how is this gonna make this person feel to the detriment of myself. Obviously, we have to be considerate of others and. But just the way I am, I'm a very big overthinker. If I've been in a situation and, you know, I've been quieter that day because I'm feeling like I'm just feeling heavy, or if I've kind of opened up to someone, which doesn't happen very often, that I don't, then beat myself up for feeling that I've shared something or I've been the way I am. I think that's probably my biggest one. But also this year I just want to be happy, which sounds like such a big statement, but, like, I want to be happy and not feel guilty for allowing myself to feel happy. So. [00:26:39] Speaker B: Yeah, that's a great one. [00:26:42] Speaker A: Thanks. [00:26:44] Speaker B: That's a good one. And, like, the boundaries for yourself. [00:26:48] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:48] Speaker B: Like you said, that's huge. You have to have that because, like you said, you're the only person that knows how you feel. So that's a great one. [00:26:57] Speaker A: Thanks. [00:26:57] Speaker B: Mine is. I've got a couple. Like, there's a couple of things I really want to work on this year. I would like to try and maybe be a bit more sociable, only because I can recognize that I've really, like, shut. Shut down. [00:27:13] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:13] Speaker B: And, like, I don't really speak to many people. Like, I don't go out anywhere. Yeah. And I. If I could choose to go out with somebody or spend the time alone, I would a million percent rather spend time alone. Yeah. Which I don't think it's a bad thing because, like, I love spending time alone. But at the same time, like, I recognize that it's probably not really healthy to just push people away and situations away, but I do think that's like, something that's like, obviously come off the back of all of this, but I just would rather not be that person that's like, oh, well, we don't hear from her anymore because it's. It's not like my. It's my fault. But, like, I don't think people really get that. Like, I'm not choosing to be like that. It's just the way that I feel like I can protect myself, and it just, like, protects my peace and, like, helps my brain. [00:28:07] Speaker A: Yeah, for sure. And I guess maybe kind of thinking about that is that pushing yourself again in a social situation, but not to the detriment of, like, your mental health and your. There's got to be a line of, like, making a New Year's resolution that isn't then harmful to yourself. So, like, that's a really good one for you. [00:28:30] Speaker B: Yeah. And I'm just thinking, like, a coffee dinner, like, nothing. Like, like, I'm not gonna go out partying. That. But just, like, little things. Like, little. And also another really quick one. I don't know how you feel about this, but I was actually christened when I was little and I used to go to church sort of like, every week and everything, and I would really like to get back into that. [00:28:54] Speaker A: Love that. [00:28:55] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, I. Because I am a huge believer in, like, I do believe in God. [00:29:01] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:29:01] Speaker B: And I think that. I don't know. Like, I don't know if this sounds a little bit crazy. A little bit crazy, but I. I certain that, like, my life was saved. I wasn't. I don't think it was luck. [00:29:17] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:29:17] Speaker B: Like, I think it was like, you're like, no, I'm not. [00:29:21] Speaker A: I'm not. [00:29:21] Speaker B: I'm just listening because you tell people. I've spoke to a couple of people about it, and I think people look at you like, okay. [00:29:29] Speaker A: No, I think if, like, trying to think of a way, because I'm just thinking about people that are listening to this podcast and are, like, just, like, completely pushing that away straight away because of what they might believe. But, like, yeah, you can take that. Exactly. You can take that in any way. Like, in just leaning into something that kind of, you know, you have faith or trust or belief in. [00:29:56] Speaker B: Yeah, I've always been very, very, very. I think I'm. I've always been very spiritual, and I've always believed in, like. And I think you're spiritual if you believe everything happens for a reason. [00:30:08] Speaker A: Yeah, exactly. [00:30:10] Speaker B: That's. That's a. That's your, like, subconscious being, like, no, this, everything. And if you believe that, I Do believe that there's a. You have a level of spirituality, for sure. [00:30:22] Speaker A: And I think that's probably easier for people to relate to on whole, in the moment than perhaps, like. [00:30:30] Speaker B: Yeah. And I'm a big believer in the whole. Like, when you go over to the other side, your life just doesn't end. And your. Your soul is always gonna be alive. It's just your body that carries your soul through this life. [00:30:44] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:30:45] Speaker B: That when you cross over, like, that's your life done. And, like, you're still a. You're still a soul. So anyway. [00:30:51] Speaker A: And you know what? That might actually be tackling your two resolutions in one, because going to church is also a big social setting. [00:30:59] Speaker B: Yeah. And I just really feel like. I don't know, Like, I just really would love to. [00:31:07] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:31:07] Speaker B: Yeah. And just, like, really, like, feel like a bit. I don't know. I think it can really humble people and, like, make people, like, see a bit more to life than what we all see See. Maybe. [00:31:20] Speaker A: Yes. [00:31:21] Speaker B: Do you know? So I'm gonna try and get into that as well. I'm not really sure how. Maybe just, like, go on a Sunday, like, to church on Sunday and speak somebody and just say, like, oh, I am Christened. And I'd like to, like, tap it. Tap into this a little bit more. Yeah, but that's my other thing. [00:31:33] Speaker A: I love that. But, yeah. I guess we'll kind of wrap up this episode now, listening to us ramble again. [00:31:42] Speaker B: You know what? [00:31:43] Speaker A: It's been so nice. It's been so nice to, like, be back in this space. And as much as, you know, at the end of last year, we were impossible to. I say get in a room together. We're still on zoom, but get in a virtual room together. But we promise, guys, we are making a huge effort behind the scenes to make this stuff work, because if you saw our text messages, it's actually comical about, are you free this day? No, I'm not free this day. Are you free this day? [00:32:10] Speaker B: I'm free at 2. I will start work at 2, too. [00:32:12] Speaker A: Yeah. But we're gonna make it work. [00:32:14] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:32:15] Speaker A: I think it's good for us as well to have this space to. To share with you guys. And, like, we've had some beautiful messages on Instagram, even, like, when we were not recording and posting regular episodes. So we're excited. [00:32:32] Speaker B: Get guests on this year and speak to, like, real, real people who have been through. Oh, I really can't wait for that. [00:32:38] Speaker A: I'm excited. I think on that thought, that's literally given me a nugget, but maybe we'll do like a little miniseries on, like, guests and kind of pop that in and do like, yeah, a, like a five episode kind of series where we get guests on, which is really fun. But for now, everyone, have a lovely week. Weekend, evening, daytime, whatever time you're listening to this and we will be back in your ears very soon. [00:33:08] Speaker B: Have a great day. Thank you, everyone. [00:33:10] Speaker A: Bye, guys. [00:33:11] Speaker B: Bye.